1. Stripper Pole: Simply put, don’t try it. Not even as a joke. It isn’t funny or cute. They aren’t going to laugh. You will be sleeping on the porch with a bag of frozen veggies on your crotch. Alternate Gift Idea: Tickets to a show at Alabama Theatre.
Top 5 Worst Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas in Alabama
2. Riding Lawnmower: Your probably thinking “My wife loves to mow! She would love a ridin’ mower!” This false notion is due to women in Alabama desperately trying to convince their man that they enjoy mowing, but they don’t. It is all a show and now that they are stuck mowing the grass twice a week in the summer, they are starting to resent you for not taking over the job a long time ago. Forget the mower and keep it simple.
Alternate Gift Idea: Trip to Botanical Gardens.
3. Alabama vs Florida basketball tickets: Yea, it is unfortunate for many guys that the Crimson Tide plays on Valentine’s Night but you won’t miss much. Even with Trevor Releford and Andrew Steele back, Alabama will most likely lose by double digits to the Gators. Catch the Mississippi State game instead.
Alternate Gift Idea: Dinner and a movie to see The Artist.
4. Small Red Convertible: Unless you are an unhappy spouse looking for an insurance claim, stay away from these potential deathtraps. I’m surprised these haven’t been transformed into toy vehicles made to be driven in the backyard by a five year old.
Alternate Gift Idea: Detail her current vehicle.
5. Talladega Tickets: While there are some avid female race fans in Alabama, don’t make race tickets your V-day present. Women like to smell nice and one hour at a Talladega tailgate obliterates a woman’s ability to feel sexy for at least three to five days. Sweaty, smelly and drunk isn’t a good look for girls but some guys can pull it off.
Alternate Gift Idea: Dolce and Gabbana Perfume.