12 comments on “Saying goodbye to Mom

  1. Ben this says so much and stirs so many emotions. Your mom was a special lady with a wonderful laugh. I am sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I am so proud of you to be able to look past her rough exterior and remember the love that was truly in her heart.

  2. Ben, through it all, there was never any doubt at all that Deb loved her children. And her children made her so proud. I remember struggling to understand my own Dad (who loved us so much and love life so much), but embarrassed us and disappointed us time after time, and drank until he died at 56. Your Dad remembers him. I never stopped loving him either. Your Mom knows you love her.

    We love you.
    Sara Rast

  3. I loved your mom like my own. She took me in and treated me like one of her children. I will never forget that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories. I will be thinking about you all. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help out. I love you-Megan

  4. Ben, I think that is the most beautiful tribute to a mother I have EVER read!! You undoubtably had your finger on the pulse of what troubled your Mom and it sounds like she knew that. As a mother myself, I know that fact must have sent her to many deep and dark places. But do not lose sight that you were not responsible for the journey she chose to take in life. As you mentioned several times, she is at peace now and hopefully you can be too. My heart goes out to you but I know you have Leslie by your side to help you through this. I sure hope your Mom heard or saw the words you wrote because I know she would be one proud Mama. Much love to you and sending prayers for your family.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing these reflections about your mom. There are many paths to peace – some are just longer than others, and it is a blessing for her to have finally found the peace she deserves.

  6. Ben, you are wise beyond your years. And even though your mother’s choices have caused you a lot of pain, they have also contributed to making you the strong man that you have become. May continued healing and peace be yours.

  7. Ben, I am sorry for your loss. Your mom was my friend. Your Mom was an awesome and dedicated Mom when you and Sam were young. She did everything and more for you guys and adored you both. She told me at your wedding that she was proud of the wonderful people her kids had become. We all know what alcohol and drugs do to someones state of mind and body. She just lost her way in this. But your Dad did an exceptional job of finishing the raising of two exceptional children. You really did have two loving parents. And you will always be a part of our family. I love you. Sue

  8. Thank you for posting this, Ben. It is lovely, as you are clearly a lovely young man. Your mom and I were best friends during 7th and 8th grades, but drifted apart. We recently reconnected through FB but I had no idea she was struggling so much. I will always remember Debbie the tomboy, adorable, rambunctious, funny, happy, and resourceful. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with your mom and with you and your family.

  9. Ben, Never met you but know your mom and Aunt Denise..The two of them are very kind souls who made a difference while here on earth to all that knew them. Your words are absolutely beautiful and wise… I hope you continue to write your words of wisdom ! sending you lots of unconditional love.. gayle wentworth..

  10. Dear Ben-I have never met you, I have however spent some time with your mother in my youth. Your mother was such a doll. I think she would be so proud of you for being so open and honest with your feelings and the facts of her addiction, results and how it does touch the lives of others. So many times when people go to memorials and wakes and funerals it is all about how wonderful things are, the “good aspects” of a persons life that are touched on when MANY times it is the PERFECT opportunity to “be honest” in a loving way…..to perhaps reach one person out there that it may just tug at their heart and put them on the path to healing, to perhaps allow one person that did not give someone (like your mother) a forgiving spirit to accept her as she is….or who had no other choice but to pull back from her as an AA attempt to stay safe, and Ben, it was OK that you did not call her right away and that you waited……it is OK.
    We have to do things sometimes that are not easy and that we feel we may regret and let me tell you something, I had the MOST INCREDIBLE relationship with my mother, she was awesome, and I still had many regrets of the what I should have done…….or should not have done….and then she was gone……my children, although I was not a drinker and had not done drugs since I was 18, had other issues with me, that left them feeling abandoned….and your letter, affected me in this way……..many times,my sons just want to live in the present and so many times almost every time, I am apologizing for the past mistakes…….so thank you for sharing what you did about that……..I am not going to waste my time living in the past of sorrow anymore. In these days to come Ben, I am going to be praying for you and your family….in this loss and in your grieving and healing process….you will have a lot of work to do and then PEACE. I pray PEACE for you. Thank you for being so loving, so brave and so articulate in how you shared your feelings and your thoughts.
    You are a gifted writer and perhaps you should write a book? I think you would have so much to offer to others through your experience. God Bless You…. Lynda

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